”The pain surprised her, she had thought it would hurt less this time. Looking down, a tear fell from her cheek and disappeared into the pool of warm blood. She knew she would have to find somewhere to wash.”
She couldn’t let them see her like this. They would take her away again. Take her away to the bad place. They said they would cure her. If they saw her like this then they would know. She couldn’t let them find out. They couldn’t help her then and they can’t help her now. She looked at the fresh cut she had inflicted upon her scarred body. It wasn’t even bleeding that bad anymore. She hadn’t succeeded in what she wanted to do. At least the pain made it go away for a while. The pain drove it back, but never too far away. She knew that IT would be back again to torment her.
At the hospital they told her that she was in control. They said she could just make it go away. She had wanted to believe them so badly. To be honest, in the beginning she had believed them. She believed that it was all in her head. She believed that she was just imagining the whole thing and if she believed the good doctors, and did what they said and took their medicines, IT would go away. But IT didn’t go away. IT became very good at hiding.
She became good at hiding as well. It became clear to her that the doctors did not believe her. She became convinced that they never would. She decided during one especially long sleepless night that the only thing she could do was to show them. Not show them the truth but show them what they wanted to see as the truth. She knew that the truth was more than they could believe. They could not believe that someone was inside her. Inside her and crawling around under her skin. They did not want to believe that she would see its face pushing up from under her skin, looking at her. That IT would push its hand up. She could clearly see it moving. Sometimes it would be on her arm and at others it would be on her leg. On that long sleepless night, IT pushed its’ face up from her abdomen. Pushing her flesh up so high that it looked like that scene from the movie Alien. The pain was excruciating. She thought it was going to rip itself right out of her. That was not what it wanted though. She now knows that it never wants to leave her.
Tonight, like so many other nights, she just missed cutting it out. The pain of the razor slicing into her skin always surprised her in its intensity. Surprised her but did not stop her. She cut deep and fast, peeling the wedge of flesh up and back to catch IT finally. She almost had IT. IT literally slipped through her fingers. Not surprising in retrospect considering her fingers were bathed in her blood. The feeling of defeat physically weighed on her. She had failed again. Another tear fell into the congealing puddle of blood.